did i find him?

so there is this guy that is talking to me.. he so says that his girl broke up with him but i think he broke up with her to be with me.. but he talks to me like im a princess and he treats me good. we will see what happenss though on the other side im upset because my brother leaves tomorrow for iraq..

life..

Be creative be thoughtfull

Love your life .. make it like you wount have it tomorrow tell eveyone you love them as your last words bc you never know when you will see them last.. take advantage of your brothers and sisters cuz i never see my brothers ones in the army and ones never here hes on his own. have the best relationship with your mom and dad.. if not your grandparents show them respect. love your animals as much as possible sleep in your bed one night and then for 4 days sleep on the floor and eat once a day and only eat soup .. then the next day see how you feel.. do you feel sorry.. do you feel guilty. do you know there are people that sleep outside when it rains when it snows. how selfish are you. ride a bike walk.. quite using that car for everywhere you go. think about it.. for once.

death

so my uncle alferd died and my dog was put asleep yesterday, sometimes i just dont understand about how life goes. why death has to be apart of something..i mean.. we have enough people in the world.. why cant we just live at the age we are at.i mean i would have no problem living llike this the rest of my life. im 19! i dont know.. feeling this way ..it sucks..i hate it.. i do not know what to do to handle my tears and this pain that i am having...

New York/BRother.

I hope i don't fall in love with this city.

every year i go to a mission trip. one with my youth group/i love them dearly.

and also i did with my school, to build homes for people who lost everthing in katrina(mississippi)

we all need to think about how much we have.

we need to open our eyes, see what is infront of us.

i love reaching out to people.

so my brother comes home on the 3rd and i leave the 6th he leaves the 8th and then iraq down the road the 28th. but i only see him for those 2 days. cuz i go to college.. which upsets me bc that doesnt give me much time to be with him.

i love him to death. i hope he knows that

if i havnt said much about my love life yet lol.. i am dating a guy but sadly im going away to college so i don't kno how its gonna go..

even tho we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend it sure seems like one.

i miss him

i wish i get a job down there. bc of my brother im thinking about the rotc.. i don't know yet. i have thinking about it.

any imputs?

but anyways. talk to you in a week to tell you more about my trip in new york!

Is forgotten

no matter what i try to reach out.. no one understands i feel like im still in the same place where i was in when my friend randy died. im forgotten no one asks me how my day is any more. im always trying to help other peoples needs.


im just a dissappointment to everything/

The Future

I kno sometimes i may repeat my self but really. lol im so nervous about college more about meeting people..

this has nothing to do with what im talking about but i wanted to let u all kno that my dogs leg is broken and then her foot is smashed and we dont kno what to do .. should we put her to sleep for her?

im dating a guy.. new huh? lol hes nice just hopes this one stays with me for awhile.. but im afraid cuz im going to college. maybe i need to grow up and look at the whole picture..? but its hard to let someone go. even though u jus met them.

am i going to be able to handle this? life. in general. the summer is almost over my gosh it went fast.

in a week i go to ny.. im excited.. we are going to work with the homeless. this is my last year.. im sad. maybe ill get a wake up call.

life is pretty awsome i would never trade my close friends or family for anything..
my brother is going to iraq in a month.. im really worried. only for his safty im gonna miss him so much even tho he doesnt talk to me that much. its hard for me .. i never cry.. but when it comes to my brother. i get a teary eyed. ..

which reminds me.. i may go into the rotc if im tough enough lol.. i have no idea how i would do it.. im a fat butt lol.

just wish me luck.

and everything else
more to come..

random but info

i kknow no one really reads my blogso no matter what i put here itaint gonna matter. but anyways.. latly its been really easy ive been traveling everywhere. family and friends. this comin month im gonna be fixin to go to new york. HERE I COME i can not wait.most sweetest place! its been one of my dreams honestly i aint liein. but college is comin up right around the corner! i am so nervous. hmm im single that aint anything new.. but the weather has been hott.. so i haven'tbeen out bc i can't breath.. my heart hasbeen hurting me.. what if i died i wounder wher ei would go lol gosh i wish someone would read this i would right more interesting things if they did. i havent decided what i want to be yet. but when i took the act last i thought about how it would be sitting in a class room and learning something new. hmm..well ive learned alot of things being out of high school. that everything you want you have to work for. noo matter what it may be. and i found out men are crazy along the way lol. i went to camp this past week and thought about alot while i was there. things you wouldnt even imagin. Now im with my fam in poplar bluff. life is intersting

mm.. my prince i need you

Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. good mood. bad mood. ugly. pretty. handsome. the right person is still gonna think that the sun shines out of your butt. thats the kind of person worth sticking with -juno

am i getting old?

i feel like everyday im tired and my back is in pain.. OH KNOW IM GETTING OLD? really honestly who cares no ones reading my page lol. umm lets just say everdayi think its harder to run.. ew. haha anyways im just writing something for today.. just bc..lol GRAD party is the 31st if ur coming!!

THE LIFE

iloveanimalstheyaresointeresting.Keeptheworldcleanandtraveltheearth.

Running..

Define running. people run at different speeds.. so i run a bit slow.. u got a problem witht that.. at least im running.. lol working out to my abilitys lol..
i don't know about u but im fat.. gosh i ran today for the first day in along time and i couldn't run an hour it was a half and hour.. thats lame but i worked out my abs.. haha so ill be sexy later.. haha.. anyways im done embarrising my self. can't wait to go back to my old body.. where i felt healthy and great! i love summer the sun shining down on my face. =] priceless. So i told my dad something today.. i was like .."Dad did you ever kno that ur supossed to run on ur tippy toes?" Dad said,"NO." I said," see watch the difference.." so i showed him.. i said"do see the difference" Dad said, "all i hear is the second one sounds like an elephant(not thats me running on my bare feet no tippy toes) hahah!" i didn't laugh i hit him a few times and said"YOUR CALLING ME FAT" ididn't relize i sound like that when i walked.. sadly i know now i need to take care of my self..

Becoming an adult

wow. honestly i thought it would be so easy, not.. just kidding thats what eveyone says not me. only because ive gone trough so much im smarter and i know its not easy. i watch my mom struggle everyday with bills and just frustration to be happy. i know since im graduated that i need to make better choices. At Least better ones that the last years. im 19 years old, i need to grow apart and know that i can survive. i just need some people to tell me i can get trough it.. honestly.

Experience under the arch.

I have never thought about what goes on around me. This weekend on saterday i went down town for this event called Invisable Children. It is for kids in Uganda, Africa who are forced to be killed or to be soldiers. Watching the documentry made me think about how lucky i am. NOt to fear where i sleep and have enough to eat, The bed i sleep in so nice! We need to be thankful for what we have. Anyways, while i got down there are 7 at night. We sat on the stairs and waited to be resuced.. what we needed was a famous person to save us. Around 11pm we were asked to sleep on the other side from the street. This really small strip, we all had to fit which there was about 500 people there. We experienced the hundereds of cars driving by with their subs and rims. People were sitting outside the windows screaming and people on top of their suv's swirving on the streets. There were cars being chased by police. It was very interesting to hear what deffinitly goes on down by the arch. Cops yelling for people to get off the stairs! who would think that would be a crime. haha. I layed wanting to sleep but know that i may not be safe. I had the same feeling the kids feel in the other countries. FEAR. Though we have not been rescued yet.. at least i don't think we have.. I hope someone comes forward to help.
A note to everyone we got first place at my choir concert saterday morning, oh and i got over my fear of the boss. I went on it my first time saterday! It was a great day! i got my english project out of the way as well! 8Days till out of high school im so excited!

im ballin! KJ=oh silly moments!

WE are in need of silly moments. little kids and friends maybe sometimes adults. Thats what life makes so fun!

In Heaven and on Earth.

I so wish in Heaven everyone looks at people the same. fat or skinny or black white or chineese what ever you must be that everyone is uplifting and happy! though God maybe our father and put is in time out? who knowslol On earth...Right now i took a break from this paper im writing for english i wish english was writing your thoughts down i could go on pages about how life is so interesting and hard. Here is something that is going on in mylife right now.. i was in a moment when i was going through depression i didn't eat much but slept alot. cryed alot. and tryed on living.. but while i was in that stage lets just say i gained about 40 pounds. i will admit this on here how much a i weigh and will keep you up to do date what is going on.. i now am on weight watchers im sure majority of you know what that is so im not going to explain that. but i was at 140 lost a few pounds doing my own stuff.. and now i weighing my self in from tuesday 7am at 132.5 i just started it tuesday so we will see how much i weigh next tuesday at 7am. LIfe is difficult. i told my self 3 times today saying im going to stop this diet its killing me.. i am SOOO hungry! im working out about 30 min a day as well and drinking tons of water what can i say? im trying.i want to do this for me no one else is making me and no one else is saying things just for me to loose weight. im just not comfortable at all in my own skin. i feel fat like a cow and i go back and forth like a penguin! its desturbing.. i am a pants 9 i used to be a size 3. can u see the difference now. YEs i know sad. well leave some comments. if you can. Have a great weekend! ill let you know more in the future. take care=] later readers!

Happiness..

Ive just discovered being happy makes others happy i know it took me awhile to figure this out. But latly i was in a mood where i was sad. We try to make our selves happy but we know that we need others to help us along the way. Im happy in general. IF you noticed ive been caring for other people latly and if you are aware there is an event coming up that people all around the world are doing, it is at the arch on april 25th, This event is showing that we care about others and not just ourselve. pluse its going to be so much fun! YOu should come! ill be there! Weird fact. Bananas help depression, it makes you change your mood to happiness and ofcorse everyone knows it gives you energy! Well thats all for now. take care my friends!

The only thing i got..

IS Family. i am learning no matter what you look like or where you are family or someone close near you are always there for you. Im learning that i am appretiated by the ones i have in my life right now. Though im graduateding soon, and will not see the ones i see the most now i know they will always be there. I am so happy i have the family i have. i always think things are so bad but in reality they are so great. i Love not know why im here on earth. because its so exciting for life. im learning that you can't make all the decisions in life. i can't decide that a college will except me or not.. but i will have to go somewhere and be something and someone one day. I know that i am a happy girl i seem that i am not. but then i think about the homeless the ones that don't have family to stick by our sides and thats where i come in helping others to the best ablity i can. i know im talking away about nothing.. but oh well i just wanted to write some thoughts down.. If we didn't claim Jesus as our father then what are we living here for.. And if you don't believe in God then answer this.. What will it hurt if you did believe in him your not wasting your time. I can't wait till easter its going to be so much fun. I love him and will praise him!! he makes the impossiable happen. Back to the family thing. I love my family. LOVe yours.

Deciding...

I have alot of dessions to make, mainly what college what i want to be..
life is stressfull...ONce again.. ive been going through things.. grandpa was rushed to the hospital with a 25 heart beat. almost died.. great uncle is dieing on hospius..(don't know how to spell) but maybe things will get better... Its Easter weekend! 5 day weekend woohoo! im Excited...we will see how things go. Sorry in a hurry so i got to go but i was catching you all whats going on in my life. ONCe again.. Single.

Being single

i was just seeing if anyone has a debate about this subject i need ideas to write stuff.. i feel dumb.

STeps

Everyday we go threw steps.

1. my steps are:
2. First is to wake up at 6:15am
3. second is to do 15 push ups and sit ups
4. Third to wash my face and teeth
5. Forth eat breakfest
6. Fith find something to wear
7. sixth out the door to school 7:15am
8. Seventh school 8 To 3..

Why do we live our lives so expected. we should live our lives like we don't know whats coming next. why have such a routine?my life i want to go as smoothly and less complicated.. Though my steps are changing when i get out of high school. i wount have such a routine as this. its going to be harder. And right now as much as im going through. its worse than it has ever been. And ofcorse i can't fix a thing about it. Being sad and confussed. no one to help me up from where i am at. i feel like im stuch in a place and there is no one here to tell me it will be okay. Bc see they don't kno if it will be okay. they say things to make me feel better at one point. Are our friends really friends are they going to help us the way we need to be helped. are there wise men and women to get us through our daily lives and tell us how it really will be. i know my life is changing and i need some one to help me daily to be who i need to be. later my fellow readers.. if there are?

Is

what do i do?

poem*
ive been laying in bed for days now,
trying to forget what had happend,
its not coming clear how?
i sit in the shower closing my eyes,
pretending that life will startover,
but all thats coming to me are these tears.
why can't i just be the one for you?

Larger than the earth

what is larger than the earth.. our hearts because everyday we can build relationships and friendships and its beyond it. our hearts is what exists from Heaven on to earth(here)... what is your heart serving? IS it Larger! or smaller than what you think it is? Serve your country. im going on a mission trip this week i leave tomorrow, and come back the wed. of 25th. ITs going to be exciting. i CAN'T WAIT! one thing i want you to do is look at nature all around u .. the animals and plants and trees.. look to see and what their purpose is. This picture has a 1000 words just look into the bird what does it portray? later googlers. have a fun spring break! God bless!

state to nationals! & friends

This weekend. i went to state. its called blast it was really fun i got to play football and volleyball. for volleyball we won and some of us will be going to nationals. which are next month. and football i played we lost but i got a stinger in my shoulder! its bad i can barely move my arm today when i woke up.. im taking care of it by meds so thats good, and for volleyball im not going there for nationals but i am going for soccer. so thats niice! im excited.. today im so sore though from all that exersize ive not been doing.. hahah but lifes good. tuesday im visiting joplin mo for college! so i hope thats just as fun as missouri state. then friday im going to mississippi so thats soon... umm my friends i love them dearly! Tamera is a great friend of mine we are having movie night tonight and ben the guy im still dating... ; ] we are hanging out later today! my doggys leg is really bad i have to pick her up to take her outside. well thats all i have later bloggers.

stressed out

so tonight is going to be intense! its volleyball and flag football. i hope it goes well im really tired i haven't got much sleep. i just found out about my brother going to be in a tank over seas and i woun't see him for a every long. i don't know what im going to do.. worrying is something im really good at.. and im worried for him even though i know hes a strong person though. But things that have been good is the guy im dating we are doing great, we have been dating for a month and like 2 weeks which is niiice! im very happy. schools stressfull because i have to have the right grades for college and the act in a month.. its hard to know that i have to be good enough for this stinkin world and i know God loves me no matter what but here its just not the answer everyone wants to hear. im going to mississippi in 2 like a week. on the 20th.. im going to be working my butt off! and then my birfday comes thats the 26th! don't forget people! haha my new nick name is beebee.. so if you want you can call me that.. ill know you read thiss if you call me that lol haha.. well i gots to go.. later bloggers! have a great week!

tv

So latly i havnt been watching tv i don't know why really besides hanging out with friends and have a busy life. but i honesty have been watching only because tonight i just relized its a large waste of my time. REALLY. it is a waste. maybe when you don't have anything to do its best to go exersize or do ur homework than watch tv. because trust me its hard to stop watching it after u turn it on.. its just a point to reality. Im glad we are having this conversation. now you know that i am a poistive person to talk to.. though some of you may hate me for just telling the truth.. sorry. but we need to know what we are up against. and thats satan!

Macon =]

The weekends are great! im in macon seeing all my buddies, then i get pulled over last night for my first ticket ever lol it was for not stoping at a stop sign long enough! its okay though everyone makes mistakes. i honesty am not a bad driver. haha this town its crazy but i love everyone here! my girl scharron im wit her at her house we be chillin here, and played some ball at the park today almost in the rain! and ive been hungry all day long! tomorrow the clocks go one hour ahead tomorrow which means we are going to loose our sleep so get to bed early kiddos! agh.. life is so interesting.. i visit missiouri state springfeild monday, kinda nervous but very excited to check it out! my mom goin wit me! =] but tomorrow we practice one more time before our tournatment for next weekend! volleyball, im so excited! well gots to go readers! Here is something to think about if you had to die and there were only to choices and the choices were to be frozen in a winter storm with your fingers falling off and your in a teeshirt and shorts... bear footed. and the other is to fall off a cliff very far down and when you fall your a dessart and your body is competly broken and you have to slowly die...so number 1 or number 2??

hate it.

i hate the music in shopin save it makes me nervous.

Happiness is a journey not a destination, love like youve never been hurt. =] me.

Different topics.

okay who would think that Asian food wood be like really nasty but good lol.. okay so today in foods 2 we had flowers that had Un-grown bananas in them it was interesting let me add. and the rice pudding was nasty. and the last one we had tried was very interesting that was the sugar stalks that was wonderful. Yesterday i had two hour practice of volleyball my legs hurt! today is soccer im the manager!! whaahoo! ha ha and another thing that is going on is that we are talking about losing our religion in youth which of us being stuck in our bubble of being christians... to be continued

Gymnastics- if anyone did not know i was a gymnast now you know. lol i was for four years. today is tam tams last meet and im so excited for her. then its state. but yes i know im a talented person. latly lifes been good, about like 40 days left of high school can't wait till its over.. don't have to wake up so early in the morning. im an owl i like to stay up late and sleep in..=] lifes good me and Ben are still dating. not going out yet. but hopefully will soon.. i saw a really good movie last night.. it was called slumdog millionair. it made me think about how thankfull i am for life... they don't have shoes and men just take over the women.. in different countrys. and get beatin. its so sad the things in life we really need to appreciate things more. but anyways tonight is trivia hopefully we raise money for panama city florida! i know i can't spell its okay.lol well im going to go now leaving you with a question, is up down and down up? later my readers.

Living on the edge.

Living life on the edge. This actually wasnt takin in 04 my camera is messed up. this is my friends alexs feet lol i dared him to go down this big bowl to skate down want time at the skate park. which was so fun by the way. Anyways my point is he was on the edge. Tonight alot of things were going on. i was upset over this guy ive been dating i just feel everything i do i go over the edge just keep falling but this ive been right on the edge right before falling and thinking about what means most. right now life is really hard because things keep getting in the way, like money for trips and friends who are to busy to talk to you, or family who never see you or even this boy whos waiting to ask you out. or girl lol.. my point is we need to step back and think about what means the most. what do we need to be on the edge for or even fall to.. the answer i found tonight was God. if you didn't kno to day is ash wendsday its 40 days of you keeping your self away from i think tonight ive thought what i will do for lent. and thats to be happy and not sad or angry or thos feels im going to thing positve and not negitive and do nice things for people with out them expecting it. How about that..? sorrry i havnt wrote though i know no one reads my page but yet i like writing.. anyways it is late. more continue on living on the edge..tomorrow..later, seeking gold winners.

whatever..men

IM a girl You want to get to know, you look at me and you wounder what im like. you walk up to me and say hi, but yet you see right threw me.. why? why? bc your not looking for what you see infront of you so why even try, you break my little heart. then you run back for me when you realize i was everything so why do you even try in the first place because you know what im going to say and that is i don't give out second chances. i do care but i just cant share that. i hold back once again and cry....

That is what men make me feel. if you were woundering yes a man has done that to me. and i regret not taking that second chance but he hurt me. and so did a few others. right now im dating a guy named Ben hes a cutie.. yes just dating not going out.. well wait i have a question.. if he calls me his sweet heart but doesn't state or yet stated we are together then what is it officially.. okay ill state it .. we are together but ive only known him for 2 weeks.. so i don't want to put that statement yet exactly.. ugh so confussing. but anyways. getting your little or lets just say i have a strong heart and it has cracks in it. though its taped many times because of my wounderfull friends who tell me to get over him and start over.. so i do.. but im the one who picks out the ones that just have to tell me oh im just not happy with the realationship.. thats my last boy friend.. girls give you heads up pick the ones you for sure have interest in you, and date them along time before going out with them get to know him very well. ill just stop here for now..

aka card shark.

school

Everyday i think school is stupid but then when i really think about it .. it gives me something to do, honestly i would be bored if i wasnt able to see my friends. I like my teachers here, i miss my old school though we could eat and drink whenever we liked and we got talking time for 5 min at the end of the hour, here its like we can't waste one minute of our lives. lol well that is the truth we don't want to miss one thing, i think we should slow down but be at a pace we are doing what we need to do daily. i mean we as whole (humans) learn one thing a day, well i do at least. I like being educated but only things i have interest in. i always wounder why we dont just start learning in what we want to do in life. like when we get to high school we should have classes that teach us what we will be going into in the future. like i want to be photographer, why can't we learn in depth about that, or people that want to be a doctor to go into depth just like college does. so my point is school can be fun if we can beable to change the way we learn.or what if school had comfortable seats i mean we sit in them for long parts of the day, why can't we have like spongy sinking seats for our lovly bums and back. i love talking to my friends and learning about them. but school gets really stupid when people start to judge and not know them. i mean half the people i know from my senoir class don't even want to get to know me. they all have different views on what i am..im sure the ones that dont talk to me have no idea who i am.. they most would say that i am a quite person. which is not true. im very loud. and i love meeting people. ill only be quite around someone if i feel intemanated.. mostly people who think they know who i am. which they dont. im writing alot bc im at school.i think im going to let you go but hopefully you have learned something about me. Later gobbers!

The weekend

why can't we have a three day weekend all the time in fact im so ready to graduate! really bad. ahhh! for real. but this weekend with my new friends was so much fuN! i love hanging out with people that make you laugh and have a great time! =] my friends are so speacial to me! they are like family. you kno what im missing, i am missing being a kid, ive thought about it. we had play time and it was so easy when we were younger i just want to stay this age but be in college right now lol. i just want to have a job a family and just live happy lol But this weekend was great. i had a blast at my friends house and i got to meet new people! did i mention i love coffee if you don't like it your crazy! ah its so good! im craving it right now. but i am tired and have to finish this stupid paper thats due tomorrow..ugh well later sooogies!

friends

i have figured out what are true friends are, the ones that take care of you and actually care to have a conversation. MY point is that if your going to be someones friend, actually care about them. Best friends are people who will do absolutly anything for you including the caring part. Me i take carfe of my friends and will do anything for them either way if they are best friend or not. bc i kno how it feels to watch friends get pushed away like they are nothing. it hurts me everytime. We need to go out of our comfort zones and be with people who dont even have people. just think about it. thoughs are the ones who committe suicide, and we think its their promblem or why? its because people like us that don't do anything about it, we are lazy little teens who just want to be cool. thats my challange for you, go beyond and meet someone or just say hi to someone to show that you at least abit care, a smile, a shake on the hand, or a pat on the back, whatever will make you do what is right.

Thank you, later googles

ugh tired days

so today was a great day except i was tired, yes very tired. but i got to eat some new foods in foods class today, it was england style.. yummy with tea time.. haha. so today i was thinking my life isn't so well lets just say fun. so im thinking everyday i have to do something over the top. have not figured that out. but don't worry i will. okay my typing is just typing the periods have no purpose. which speaking of. i hate english. we have to do a paper.. boring. lets jump to the topic of boys. i like a boy his name is ben. i think i mentioned his name last time. but anyways hes nice. we went on 2 dates.. lets see if hes a keeper. random fact. i love seeing movies that are old. people hate them well alot of teens my age don't care for them but i like. hehe and i like the color blue thats my favorite color. how one more thing im soooo excited i get to design the theatre shirts so i have the design and now i have to find a person who can print the shirts out for me. well thats all for today i have to do other things with my life then speak on this website only hehe. later tigars!!

Today is my first day using this, but i had a wounderfull day! im on this diet thing and i feel really healthy. Lets see i talk to 4 people a day and they are great people. that is kelsey wright, courtney mckeon, Tamara gent and ben that doesn't go to my school. they are amazing people! but i go through things everyday so this is going to be interesting to read i would assume. so you will be updated on my life.. lol but i will keep this one simple and just tell you that for now. thank you for reading my blog lattttter turtles!